The (Major) Oscar Nominations, and my (immediate) responses

Posted: January 25, 2012 in Uncategorized

Best Picture

“The Artist” Thomas Langmann, Producer

WILL WIN, HAVEN’T SEEN

“The Descendants” Jim Burke, Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor, Producers

NUP

“Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close” Scott Rudin, Producer

WHAT?

“The Help” Brunson Green, Chris Columbus and Michael Barnathan, Producers

NUP

“Hugo” Graham King and Martin Scorsese, Producers

BRILLIANT, WON’T WIN

“Midnight in Paris” Letty Aronson and Stephen Tenenbaum, Producers

NUP

“Moneyball” Michael De Luca, Rachael Horovitz and Brad Pitt, Producers

BRILLIANT, WON’T WIN

“The Tree of Life” Nominees to be determined

WELL THAT’S NOT GONNA WIN

“War Horse” Steven Spielberg and Kathleen Kennedy, Producers

TOO MUCH HORSE BEFORE THE WAR

Actor in a Leading Role

Demián Bichir in “A Better Life”

I’M SURE HE’S BRILLIANT. NO CHANCE IN HELL.

George Clooney in “The Descendants”

AND THE AWARD FOR PLAYING GEORGE CLOONEY GOES TO…?

Jean Dujardin in “The Artist”

HAVEN’T SEEN, WILL WIN. UNLESS THEY AWARD CLOONEY FOR PLAYING CLOONEY (SEE ABOVE)

Gary Oldman in “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy”

SOOOOOOO GLAD HE’S NOMINATED. WON’T WIN. WILL LOOK COOL IN A TUXEDO.

Brad Pitt in “Moneyball”

SOOOOOOO GLAD HE’S NOMINATED. WON’T WIN. WILL LOOK COOL IN ANYTHING.

Actor in a Supporting Role

Kenneth Branagh in “My Week with Marilyn”

GLAD HE EARNED AN INVITE. NOT NOMINATED FOR DIRECTING “THOR”.

Jonah Hill in “Moneyball”

I’D LIKE HIM TO WIN. HE IS UNLIKELY TO EVER BE NOMINATED AGAIN…

Nick Nolte in “Warrior”

DID ANYONE SEE THAT? WHAT WAS THAT?

Christopher Plummer in “Beginners”

WILL WIN. 82. WE’LL ALL BE HAPPY. BY THE WAY, HE’S NOT ENGLISH, HE’S CANADIAN.

Max von Sydow in “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close”

THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. BUT IF IT DOES, HE’S ALREADY BEEN TOLD HOW TO APPROACH THE MICROPHONE FOR HIS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH.

Actress in a Leading Role

Glenn Close in “Albert Nobbs”

GO HOME. DID ANYBODY IN THE WORLD RUSH OUT TO SEE THIS MOVIE?

Viola Davis in “The Help”

MIGHT WIN. AND POSSIBLY SHOULD.

Rooney Mara in “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”

GETS $500,000 FOR HER NEXT PICTURE. OR MAYBE A MILLION. BUT HER CHANCES OF WINNING THIS ARE SIMILAR TO THE CHANCES OF CHARLIZE THERON GETTING IT ON WITH PATTON OSWALT. WAIT A MINUTE…

Meryl Streep in “The Iron Lady”

MIGHT WIN – VS VIOLA DAVIS. BOTH FILMS NOT GOOD, PERFORMANCES GOOD. I’M BETTING 55/45 MERYL/VIOLA

Michelle Williams in “My Week with Marilyn”

WISH SHE WOULD WIN. WON’T. WISH SHE WOULD COME OVER. WON’T.

Actress in a Supporting Role

Bérénice Bejo in “The Artist”

HAVE NOT SEEN. I’M SURE HER VOICE IS LOVELY.

Jessica Chastain in “The Help”

BRILLIANT BEYOND BELIEF.

Melissa McCarthy in “Bridesmaids”

SERIOUSLY?

Janet McTeer in “Albert Nobbs”

WHO SAW THAT MOVIE? (NOT ME, OBVIOUSLY. SHOULDN’T BE MEAN. BUT… THERE WAS NOTHING IN THAT AD CAMPAIGN FOR ME. NOTHING.)

Octavia Spencer in “The Help”

COULD WIN. VERY FUNNY, QUITE BRILLIANT. MOST OF HER SCENES ARE WITH THE ABOVE-MENTIONED JESSICA CHASTAIN, WHICH KIND OF MEANS… THEY BOTH SHOULD WIN. SHARE THE AWARD!

Cinematography

“The Artist” Guillaume Schiffman

YEP.

“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” Jeff Cronenweth

NUP.

“Hugo” Robert Richardson

WILL WIN, IF THE ARTIST DOESN’T.

“The Tree of Life” Emmanuel Lubezki

OR MAYBE THIS WILL WIN.

“War Horse” Janusz Kaminski

NUP.

Costume Design

“Anonymous” Lisy Christ

HA HA.

“The Artist” Mark Bridges

YEP.

“Hugo” Sandy Powell

NUP BUT CLOSE.

“Jane Eyre” Michael O’Connor

OH YEAH, LIKE THIS HAS A CHANCE. WEIRD!

“W.E.” Arianne Phillips

HYSTERICAL.

Directing

“The Artist” Michel Hazanavicius

WILL WIN.

“The Descendants” Alexander Payne

LUDICROUS.

“Hugo” Martin Scorsese

COULD HAVE WON BUT FOR THE ARTIST.

“Midnight in Paris” Woody Allen

SERIOUSLY?

“The Tree of Life” Terrence Malick

OKAY THAT’S JUST STUPID

Film Editing

“The Artist” Anne-Sophie Bion and Michel Hazanavicius

WHO KNOWS?

“The Descendants” Kevin Tent

THAT WOULD BE STRANGE. THAT MOVIE HAS A VERY ODD TEMPO.

“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall

HAVE NOT SEEN

“Hugo” Thelma Schoonmaker

A GREAT MOVIE BUT THE EDITING IS OF THE “LET’S LEAVE IT ALL IN” APPROACH…

“Moneyball” Christopher Tellefsen

EXTREMELY AMAZING AND HARD EDITING ABOUT A SUBJECT WE DON’T ALL LIKE BUT MADE US LIKE IT – SHOULD BE IN THE RUNNING

Best Foreign Language Film

“A Separation” Iran

THERE’S NO CHALLENGE HERE. WRITE YOUR SPEECH! YOU WON ALREADY!

Makeup

“Albert Nobbs” Martial Corneville, Lynn Johnston and Matthew W. Mungle

NUP

“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2” Edouard F. Henriques, Gregory Funk and Yolanda Toussieng

NUP

“The Iron Lady” Mark Coulier and J. Roy Helland

YEP. AMAZING. NOTICE “J. EDGAR” DIDN’T GET A NOMINATION?

Music (Original Song)

“Man or Muppet” from “The Muppets” Music and Lyric by Bret McKenzie

YEP. THIS WILL BE THE BEST AWARD OF THE NIGHT. BRET MCKENZIE, OSCAR WINNER!

“Real in Rio” from “Rio” Music by Sergio Mendes and Carlinhos Brown Lyric by Siedah Garrett

NUP

Visual Effects

“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2” Tim Burke, David Vickery, Greg Butler and John Richardson

NUP

“Hugo” Rob Legato, Joss Williams, Ben Grossman and Alex Henning

YEP

“Real Steel” Erik Nash, John Rosengrant, Dan Taylor and Swen Gillberg

HA HA

“Rise of the Planet of the Apes” Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, R. Christopher White and Daniel Barrett

CLOSE BUT NO HUGO

“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Matthew Butler and John Frazier

OH PLEASE

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

“The Descendants” Screenplay by Alexander Payne and Nat Faxon & Jim Rash

WILL WIN BUT SHOULDN’T

“Hugo” Screenplay by John Logan

SHOULDN’T WIN – GOOD FILM, BUT TOTALLY WEIRD SCREENPLAY – WHO WAS THE AUDIENCE?

“The Ides of March” Screenplay by George Clooney & Grant Heslov and Beau Willimon

JUST THE PLAY ON SCREEN. BUT VERY SHARP

“Moneyball” Screenplay by Steven Zaillian and Aaron Sorkin. Story by Stan Chervin

SHOULD WIN BUT WON’T – BRILLIANT

“Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” Screenplay by Bridget O’Connor & Peter Straughan

LEFT FIELD. LONG.

Writing (Original Screenplay)

“The Artist” Written by Michel Hazanavicius

WILL WIN AND PROBABLY SHOULD

“Bridesmaids” Written by Annie Mumolo & Kristen Wiig

THEY’VE ALL ADMITTED MUCH OF WHAT IS ON SCREEN IS IMPROVISED!

“Margin Call” Written by J.C. Chandor

HE HAS A GOOD CAREER ON HIS WAY, BUT HE’S VERY UNLIKELY TO NEED TO PREPARE THIS SPEECH

“Midnight in Paris” Written by Woody Allen

C’MON!

“A Separation” Written by Asghar Farhadi

MIGHT WIN

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